02/14/17 Romantic Love

When you fall in love, why does it make you lose your mind? Even when it is just starting, you feel like these thoughts and feelings will take over everything, every part of your being.

Your self-confidence is stripped and all you can think of is that other person. Question what you say, and how it will be perceived.  Takes this woman, who knows who she is, and what she wants and turns her into someone who can hardly complete a full sentence.

I never thought that I would hurt or could be hurt this time around. Why am I such a glut for punishment? I looked forward to all the fun, company, love, passion, compassion, understanding, friendship, loyalty; all of these things freely given and taken. However, two people with separate consciousness must make a point to share thoughts and feelings. That is the only way for others to completely know what is on another person’s heart and mind.

Right now, I am scared.

I feel like when I tell you how I am starting to feel for you that you start pulling away even harder. I don’t know how to trust what I am feeling, or how to trust what I see sometimes. When it is just you and I, I feel like things are amazing and that you are so into me, but then am I only wanting to see that? Is it really there? Am I just a distraction? Is it that my attention makes you feel good? Does it make you smile, and help you to be a better person? Are you learning to care for me, the way I am coming to care for you.

I know what I feel is growing and it is real. It scares the shit out of me because we have not known each other very long. There has been something about you that has drawn me toward you since I first saw your face.

Sink or swim, fly or crawl in a fetal position on the ground… I have to see where this goes. I am invested. I choose to be invested. 

I am scared to pursue you, but I am more afraid not to.